"Women Are Stupid"

Several years ago, my father and I had a conversation about the role of a woman. At the time, I had one child, was working full-time and balancing both without much luck in being really good at either one. To top it all off, I also had a husband, who sometimes made it onto my radar, if he was lucky.

Now, I have a college degree and am a very opinionated, strong willed woman who likes to be in control of every decision made. I am also an idiot. "Women are so stupid," my father would remark, especially at times when he saw I was not as in control as I thought I was.

My father was a very respected man both socially and professionally. My older brother and I would often compare him to Michael Corleone. So, for him to remark that women were stupid was not meant to shock or offend. It was statement of fact. And one that most intelligent thinkers would likely agree with.

But anyway - here I was, working as my father's office manager in the construction field, dealing with a husband who worked long hours and who spent every moment he could riding his bike (think Lance Armstrong/ Tour-de-France type obsession), and living with a 2 year old little boy who was attending a Lutheran early childhood program, coming home spouting off bible verses and peeping at little girl's underwear at every available opportunity. Oh - and we had just bought a house.

My day started at 5:30 and went until 11:00, if I was lucky. Never a moment for myself, let alone enough time in the day to schedule all that needed to be done.

My husband was certainly not happy. After a long day at work and coming home to deal with my son, dinner, bath, and all the other domestic obligations today's mothers face, I was spent.

My father, who I looked to for support and guidance in every instance, didn't understand why I was running myself ragged. He had been raised in the 40's and 50's and had always felt that a woman's "place" was in the home. I on the otherhand, was hell-bent on proving him wrong. I was determined to do it all, and to do it well. People looking in saw a woman who was on top of her game. I always had a smile on my face and very rarely let pressure get to me. I often had other women comment that they just didn't know how I did it. It felt good to hear that. I was proving to everyone that a woman could be a great mom and still have a rewarding career. At the time, I was also very involved with my son's school and a very active parent, making sure I attended all the activities and weekend events. I volunteered my talents to help out teachers and other moms who also worked. Please, keep in mind...we are talking about 2 year old children here. But there I was - doing it all, with a smile on my face.

Yes, I was stupid. My father was completely correct in announcing this fact. My marriage was being held together by convenience. My household was only organized when I was expecting people. I was a wreck. But, I was in the mindset that this is what today's women did. I felt like a super-hero among my peers. The presumption that I had it all together was backed up by the mirage of it being so.

Then...when my son turned 4, it happened. My husband and I finally had a drunken night of sex and I was pregnant.

And that's when I really got stupid.